Courtesy Trey Moses

It’s OK To Not Be OK: Trey Moses’ battle for mental wellness

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MINNEAPOLIS — Zach Hollywood saved Trey Moses’ life.

That’s at least how Trey’s mother, Shelly, looks at it.

Trey has battled depression for half his life. The first time he remembers contemplating suicide came when he was in seventh grade. He told a friend that he wanted to die. He had a great family. He had great friends. He liked school. All of those things are still true. But there was a sadness within him that he just couldn’t shake. Still can’t.

Trey tried to end his own life in May of 2017, at the end of his sophomore year. It was yet another night that he spent crying, uncontrollably, when he took a bunch of pills. He immediately regretted it, calling a friend to take him to the hospital where he spent the next few days recovering. He had been hospitalized before, when he did not feel safe being by himself, but this was the first time that he went beyond self-harm.

Three months later Trey found Zach’s body, dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. A devastating tragedy for Zach, his family, his friends, his teammates. An unimaginable burden for a 20-year old already struggling with his own mental wellness to carry.

Shelly was terrified, and still is, that Trey would be next. But she also now knows that Trey has seen the pain that Zach’s suicide caused everyone around him. “He never wants anybody to go through what he went through,” Shelly said.

She knows — she hopes — that will be enough to keep her only son here with her.


Courtesy Trey Moses

Trey is speaking about this publicly for the first time because he knows he can help.

He knows what it is like to appear to be a pillar of strength, all 6-foot-10 of him. He was an all-MAC power forward for Ball State. He has tattoos covering his body and a beard that would make James Harden jealous. He’s popular. He’s handsome. He is not yet 22 years old, and he’s getting ready for a fourth summer of running basketball clinics for people with Down Syndrome. He’s just a few weeks from getting his college degree.

He’s everything you hope your son will be.

He also knows that there are things he’s dealing with that people cannot see, and that he is far from the only person fighting this fight every day.

And he has a message.

It’s OK to not be OK.

This is why, 24 hours before Virginia and Texas Tech tip off in the 2019 national title game, he was sitting on a stage in the L100 F-G meeting room at the Minneapolis Convention Center baring his soul to a couple hundreds college coaches he had never met. He wants to help them help their players. He told his story to NBC Sports in the hopes that he can reach anyone and everyone that is going through the same things that he was, and very much still is, going through.

It’s OK to not be OK.

And if it helps just a single person better their life, it was worth it.

“I’m only telling my story because it will help other people,” he said. “It doesn’t benefit me.”

Trey knows there’s a stigma associated with people fighting for their mental wellness, and he knows all-too-well the shame that those with depression feel. He understands the vicious circle this creates. Speaking up, especially as an athlete in a world where toughness means fighting through pain — both physical and psychological — without complaint, gets you branded as soft. So you internalize it. You isolate yourself because it’s easier than explaining why an otherwise healthy human is struggling to hold it all together. That, in turn, only reinforces the belief that you are alone, that there is no one that cares, no one that loves you enough to say those six seemingly obvious words — “I want you to be alive” — because they can’t see through the facade that you’ve spent your life perfecting.

That’s why his message to those coaches wasn’t simply to list the warning signs. The complexities of depression manifests differently in everyone, and just recognizing the symptoms of a person in crisis won’t help them if they’re struggling.

“You don’t need to see the signs,” Trey told them. “You need to let your players know you care. Eventually they are going to open up. They chose you [to coach them] for a reason. But they need to know their coach does care about [them] more than just basketball. He’s going to be able to come to you, or your assistant, because you care.”

Ball State had a network surrounding Trey even before Zach’s death, once he opened up about his struggles with depression. They called it his Care Team, a group of professionals on campus there to work with the athletes while educating the basketball staff on the steps they needed to take and the resources they needed to provide. They coached the coaches on ways to be there for Trey once they fully understood his disease.

“It was above my pay grade,” James Whitford, Ball State’s head coach, said in a recorded speech presented at the NABC conference on Sunday. “I needed help.”

Coach Whit would have weekly, one-on-one meetings with every player on his roster just to catchup. He would also meet regularly with everyone that had any contact with the kids on his roster — from coaches to tutors to the guy helping the trainers wrap ice after practice. The goal was to ensure that Coach Whit knew what was happening with his team, and that his team knew his office door was always open.

“Are there things going on with our players that I’m not catching?” Whitford explained. “They bottle it up in practice, but it might show up in the academic center, or the health center, or other areas on campus.”

Trey recalled one particularly bad day that he had his junior year. It was two days before a game, less than a year removed from his own suicide attempt and only months after Zach died. The sadness was more than he could bear. He was crying in the training room, the place where he felt safest on campus. It was in that room two years earlier that Trey had told trainer Troy Hershman for the first time everything that he was dealing with. Coach Whit sent him home.

“Go back to your dorm,” Trey remembers being told. “Call your group. Make sure you’re good.”

He’s never questioned whether or not Coach Whit, or anyone on the Ball State staff, has cared for him. He trusts them completely, and it’s a reason that he’s still here today to share his story.

“My purpose is more than myself,” Trey said. “I feel like continuously putting this out there for people will help them. It’s OK to not be OK.

“Because it’s better than not being here.”


Courtesy Trey Moses

It was the morning after his 20th birthday party.

August 22nd, 2017.

Trey had woken up without time to spare. It was just the second day of classes, and he had a 9 a.m. to get to. He didn’t want to be that jock showing up late, at least not on the second day, and they had been up too late the night before.

He checked his phone.

Zach had called him. Four times.

4:10 a.m.

4:12 a.m.

4:16 a.m.

4:20 a.m.

Left two voicemails, too.

It was strange. Zach had left Trey’s house at 1:30 a.m. that morning. They were best friends, bonding over everything that they shared — a love for basketball, a passion for working with people with disabilities, a constant fight for mental wellness. They were inseparable from the moment that Zach arrived on campus, a “long, lanky white kid” from Bourbonnais, Ill., and a “big, tattooed African-American” from Louisville. They were nothing alike and exactly the same. Zach was Trey’s guy, the person he could turn to for anything, and Trey was Zach’s.

Zach was hurt after Trey’s suicide attempt. He couldn’t understand why his best friend didn’t come to him when he needed someone, why he didn’t trust him enough to be able to pick up the phone instead of picking up those pills. That weighed on Trey’s mind throughout the morning of August 22nd.

Is that why Zach was calling?

Why isn’t he picking up the phone?

But the worst case scenario didn’t make sense.

Zach was as happy as Trey had ever seen him at that birthday party. Maybe this was the moment, Trey remembers thinking. Maybe this is when he makes the turn. Maybe he already has. Zach’s mom had died a year earlier, losing her 20-year battle with ulcerative colitis on August 1st, 2016. Zach was in the Chicago hospital room when Susan took her final breath. He was a mama’s boy, and his mama was gone. Trey knew how much it weighed on him, but maybe he had finally turned a corner.

He’s happier, Trey thought that night. He’s getting better.

“I love you,” Zach said as he walked out the door.

That’s what was playing in Trey’s head as he called Zach’s phone that Tuesday morning. There was no answer. He called again. And again, more nervous with every ring.

“I didn’t want to think too much about it,” he said. “I’d be in touch later, we had a team meeting at 1 p.m.”

Trey happened to run into Zach’s roommate right around lunch time and convinced him to open up the door to Zach’s off-campus apartment. Just a hello. Checking in.

At 12:15 p.m., Trey found Zach’s body.

Trey called 911.

He checked Zach for a pulse.

He was gone.


Courtesy Shelly Moses

Trey is in a good place now, all things considered, but it wasn’t an easy road to get there.

After finding Zach’s body, Trey called Shelly and told here what happened. He texted an assistant coach that he and Zach would not be at their 1 p.m. meeting. “Don’t ask questions,” he wrote, “just let us be.” Eventually, the lead detective on the scene called Coach Whit from Trey’s phone. He was taken to the police station for a few hours before he was allowed to go home. After an emotional meeting with the rest of the team, one that consisted of little more than tears and hugs, he went straight to Coach Whit’s house.

“Just a chance to chill out,” Trey said.

He still had not listened to Zach’s voicemails. He doesn’t know why it took him so long to listen. In his heart of hearts, he figured something had happened. He wasn’t ready for it, not yet.

That night, he gathered all of his best friends and listened.

“It was just him saying how much he loved me, how much of a change I can make, how good at basketball I can be,” Trey said. “‘Go get it, go get everything we planned together. Give it your all, I’m always going to watch over you.’ I could hear how much pain he was in.

“And I was mad at him.”

That anger eventually resided only to be replaced by regret, by guilt.

“For so long I lived with, ‘Man, what if I just woke up?'” he said. “‘I wish I would have been there.’ All these wishes. But I realized that won’t bring him back. That’s only going to bring me more down. So I attack the positive side.

“One of the things Coach Whit always says is we would have walked barefoot to Alaska and back to save him. I know how much I cared about him, how much he meant to me, how much I loved him. I can’t live with regret. If he had called and I had said, ‘You’re good bro, just go to bed,’ I would be living with regret.

“I didn’t hear it. I was asleep. If I would have woken up, I would have been there.”

To hear Trey tell it, what has saved him, what has allowed him to reach this point in his life, is that he will talk about his feelings now. Immediately after Zach died, Ball State brought in a sports psychologist to speak with the team. They gave him a list of every single thing that he would go through in the coming days, months, years. He sent that list to everyone he knew, everyone he loved.

This is what I’m going to be dealing with. This is what you can expect. Thank you for helping me on this journey.

“I missed it when Trey was growing up. I had no idea that he dealt with depression like he did,” Shelly said. “People always tell me, ‘you’re a great mom,’ but I look now, and I wasn’t. Because he didn’t think that he could talk to me.”

That’s changed.

Trey reaches out now, and Shelly goes out of her way to make herself available. She’ll check in on him at 1 a.m. if he makes a sad post on Twitter or Instagram. Now that she knows what to look for she can tell instantly when he’s struggling with something. His smile isn’t there. His attitude changes. He’s not as focused. But those moments are gradually getting less common.

“He wants to do stuff now,” Shelly said. “He used to come home and just sit around.”

It’s been a long road getting to this point. Going into the locker room they used to share every day never got easier. Learning that different people cope in different ways was tough, too. It was hard for Trey to initially understand how his teammates could keep playing basketball after Zach was gone, but he gets it now. People grieve in different ways. It was hard for him to play this season, when so many new faces on the Ball State roster didn’t know Zach, but just because their season wasn’t dedicated to him didn’t mean that Trey couldn’t play for his best friend.

And there were always reminders of the good times. Trey changed his number from 41 to Zach’s 24. He and Shelly then went and got matching 241 — 24 to 41 — tattoos.

241 is the exit off the highway that Shelly takes to get to Ball State

But the symbolism is deeper than that.

Two for one.


Courtesy Shelly Moses

There isn’t a day that goes by that Shelly doesn’t worry about her son, but it’s getting easier.

Trey doesn’t want to put the people he loves through what he went through losing Zach.

But there’s more to it than that.

He can’t leave his Best Buddies behind.

Trey’s passion is not basketball. He wants to play professionally — he recently signed with an agent and expects to be in Europe next year — and he’ll do that for as long as he can, but he believes the reason he’s on this Earth is to help people with developmental disabilities.

He’s run basketball camps in Louisville, Indiana and Canada for people with Downs Syndrome. As a high school senior, he went viral when he asked his friend, Ellie, with Downs Syndrome to be his date to the prom. (She said yes.) He had two friends that have become family, Luke and Mickey, walk out for his Senior Night at Ball State with him and his parents. That’s what he will be doing for the rest of his life. Basketball is what gave him the platform.

“It’s rewarding. It gives me a purpose,” Trey said. “These kids are counting on me to be there for them. I don’t want to go into their lives and then suddenly not be there anymore. I just know that my impact on them was more than, ‘Oh that’s a basketball player.'”

They’re family.

Like Zach.

Trey wanted the story to end with this: Zach’s smile was radiant. He lit up a room. The moment that personified that, in Trey’s mind, came the summer before Zach died. That long, lanky white kid from Bourbonnais, Ill., had spent the summer trying to put on muscle. One day after a weights session, Zach told Trey he felt big.

“Come on, bro. Let’s take a pic.”

That picture, that memory, is everlasting.

RIP Hollywood.

Courtesy Trey Moses

Best Bets: Previewing the weekend’s biggest college basketball games

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There are no Vegas lines for these games just yet. All analysis will be based on KenPom projections, which typically end up close to the opening lines anyway.

No. 7 NORTH CAROLINA at No. 5 VIRGINIA, Sun. 4:00 p.m.

  • KENPOM: Virginia 61, North Carolina 55

I am going to be fascinated to see where the line for this game opens up, because neither of these teams are playing all that well right now, particularly on the offensive side of the ball. Virginia was blown out by unranked Purdue on the road, 69-40, while North Carolina is coming off of a drubbing at the hands of Ohio State in their own building, 74-49.

My initial lean here is going to be the Virginia side, depending on how much they are laying, but I do think that the best bet would likely be the under assuming the line opens at or around 116. The logic is relatively simple, really. Virginia has still been one of college basketball’s most intimidating defenses this season despite what happened against Purdue. While nice, 69 points doesn’t sound like a lot, but the 1.19 points-per-possession the Boilermakers did post was one of just four times in the last two-plus years that a team has done that against Virginia.

Purdue has done it twice.

That’s because the Boilermakers run the precise kind of action you need to run to beat the Pack-Line. There is a ton of motion, guys running off of screens every which way and action happening simultaneously on both sides of the floor. This is not what North Carolina does, and when combined with the fact that – as shown in the video embedded below – the Tar Heels have basically one option offensively right now, leads me to believe that the Wahoos will control tempo, overwhelm UNC defensively and keep this game in the 50s.

Think about it like this. Ohio State-UNC finished at 123 total points. Virginia is the only defense in the country ranked higher on KenPom that Ohio State, and Virginia is a full 100 spots lower offensively.

PICKS: I like Virginia -5 and below, and I like the under for everything 115 and above.

No. 12 ARIZONA at No. 18 BAYLOR, Sat. 12:00 p.m.

  • KENPOM: Baylor 75, Arizona 71

There are a couple of things to take into account here.

For starters, this game is being played in Waco, but there are some real questions about just how much of a home court advantage the Bears are going to have here. The football team is in the Big 12 title game, which will be played at the same time. I have a feeling that is going to take priority for the majority of the Baylor fanbase. Baylor has resorted to giving away free tickets to make sure the stands are filled.

That said, I think that Baylor has the matchup advantage here. The Bears haven’t been playing as much zone this year but it’s still something they can fall back into, which will be tricky for an Arizona team built around three freshmen. I also think the size Baylor has inside is less than ideal for a team that relies on Zeke Nnaji quite a bit. Then throw in the fact that this is Arizona’s first true road game and first game outside of the western time zone, and I like the spot for Baylor.

PICKS: I’m refraining from betting on this. I don’t have a great feel.

No. 9 GONZAGA at No. 22 WASHINGTON, Sun. 7:00 p.m.

  • KENPOM: Gonzaga 73, Washington 71

A rivalry game, one where I expect Gonzaga to be favored on the road. I think I like Washington here. I don’t fully trust Gonzaga’s guard play at this point in the season, and if anyone remembers the way that the Washington-Baylor game ended the first week of the season, Isaiah Stewart completely dominated Baylor’s frontline down the stretch. I can see that happening again, considering just how much Gonzaga relies on running offense through their posts.

PICKS: I think Washington will win, so getting the Huskies on the money line at +125 would be nice.

FLORDA at No. 24 BUTLER, Sat. 12:00 p.m.

  • KENPOM: Butler 63, Florida 57

We’ve been betting Butler this season because the Bulldogs have been undervalued by the market all year. But now that they have that number next to their name and coming off of a really impressive win at Ole Miss, I think our chance to be all in on this team may have come to an end.

I also think that six points is a lot in this matchup, which I expect to be really low-scoring. The Gators can defend, are good at running teams off of the three-point line and can’t make threes themselves. They have a number of guards they can throw at Kamar Baldwin and have shown no desire to play fast at all this season. Butler is 348th in average possession length offensively.

PICKS: Let’s see where the total opens, but if it’s in the low-to-mid 120s, I think the under is the play in this game.

No. 20 COLORADO at No. 2 KANSAS, Sat. 7:00 p.m.

  • KENPOM: Kansas 73, Colorado 65

I am definitely looking forward to this game because I feel like I haven’t had a chance to really watch Colorado yet this season. I saw a little bit of their game against Arizona State in the opener, but that’s it. So keep that in mind as I proceed to tout the Buffaloes. Here’s the logic: The Jayhawks want to run their offense through Udoka Azubuike in the post, and Colorado is top ten nationally in defensive two-point field goal percentage. They have big bodies, they have strong posts and they can make life tough for Azubuike inside.

PICKS: I think this line will open up higher than Colorado (+8). Getting the Buffaloes (+10.5) would make all of my wildest dreams come true.

No. 19 DAYTON vs. SAINT MARY’S, Sun. 4:00 p.m. (Phoenix)

  • KENPOM: Dayton 70, Saint Mary’s 68

I’ll be on Dayton here. What makes Saint Mary’s dangerous is their ability to spread teams out with their shooting and create mismatches all over the court. Dayton does the same thing, only they have Player of the Year candidate Obi Toppin creating mismatches, who should, in theory, be able to limit Malik Fitts’ advantage at the four. Playing this game at a neutral site is a bonus as well.

PICKS: I like Dayton up to (-4.5), and I would think about the under as well. Both of these teams are built on shooting, and neutral sites environments can be tough to shoot in. Saint Mary’s wanting to play at a slow pace will help as well.

CINCINNATI at XAVIER, Sat. 5:00 p.m.

  • KENPOM: Xavier 73, Cincinnati 67

My take on Cincinnati is that the Bearcats are overvalued right now. The biggest reason for that is that there seems to still be some tension between new head coach John Brannen and star guard Jarron Cumberland. I also think that Xavier is one of the teams that is being undervalued at this point. I know they struggle shooting the rock, but they are tough, they are athletic and they have a couple of game-changers in Naji Marshall, Tyrique Jones and Paul Scruggs. If Kyky Tandy can provide a bit of shooting and Quentin Goodin is truly out of his funk, the Musketeers are a top 20 team.

The only concern I have: This is a rivalry game. If Jarron Cumberland is ever going to play like a National Player of the Year candidate, this is the game he’ll do it.

PICKS: I will probably be staying away at Xavier (-6).

CBT Podcast: Georgetown’s problems, the ACC-Big Ten Challenge, a weekend preview

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Rob Dauster and Bobby Reagan from the Fundamentally Sound podcast go through everything that happened in a wild week of basketball, from the four – yes, four! – blowouts of in the marquee games of the ACC-Big Ten Challenge as well as the rise of DePaul and the enigma that is Indiana. Rob also discusses the situation at Georgetown at the top, and the podcast ends with a preview of what should be a lively weekend of college hoops.

North Carolina’s Armando Bacot to be ‘out a while’

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North Carolina’s freshman center Armando Bacot suffered a left ankle injury in the first half of Wednesday night’s game against Ohio State and did not return.

Bacot, who came down on a defender’s foot and had to be helped off of the floor, immediately when back to the locker.

“It was swollen by the time he got to the locker room,” coach Roy Williams said. “My guess is he’ll be out a while.”

The 6-foot-10 Bacot was averaging 11.7 points and 9.6 boards and was coming off of his best game of the season, when he posted 23 points, 12 boards and six blocks while playing a season-high 30 minutes against Oregon.

Michigan, Kentucky schedule basketball game in London

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ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Michigan and Kentucky have agreed to play a basketball game in London next season as part of a three-year deal that also includes a home-and-home series between the two programs.

Michigan announced the deal Thursday. The teams will play at O2 Arena in London in December 2020. The teams will meet at Crisler Center in Ann Arbor in 2021 and at Kentucky’s Rupp Arena in 2022.

“When the idea of playing Kentucky came up, we knew it would be an exciting opportunity, not only for ourselves, but for our fans as well,” Michigan coach Juwan Howard said. “What a unique three-game series. First, we get to showcase collegiate basketball overseas in London before playing that traditional home-and-home series in front of two of the nation’s best basketball environments.”

The teams have met seven times previously, with Kentucky holding a 5-2 edge. The Wildcats beat Michigan in a 2014 Elite Eight game in their most recent contest. When Howard was a player at Michigan, his Wolverines beat Kentucky in a 1993 national semifinal.

Film Room: How Ohio State handed North Carolina their worst loss in nearly two decades

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At this point, no one should be surprised when Chris Holtmann does something smart as a head coach, and I certainly was not surprised to see him find a way to smother North Carolina on the defensive side of the ball on Wednesday night.

In a 74-49 win in the Dean Dome, the worst home loss the Tar Heels have taken since 2002, when Matt Doherty was in charge, the Buckeyes held North Carolina to just 27.8 percent shooting from the floor. They shot 25.6 percent on two-point field goal attempts, the lowest number of the Roy Williams era. And I think so much of it had to do with what Holtmann did defensively on Cole Anthony.

The game-plan was, frankly, pretty simple. When Anthony had the ball, Ohio State climbed up in him, they hedged hard on all ball-screens and they sent bodies at him whenever he put the ball on the floor to drive. They made a conscious decision to force Anthony into either playing 1-on-2 and 1-on-3 or giving the ball up to a teammate. As soon as he gave the ball up, they face-guarded him. Full denial, even if it meant playing 4-on-4 for the rest of that possession.

And it worked.

Starting point guard C.J. Walker did the heavy lifting on Anthony, but he was hardly the only one. Luther Muhammad started out on Anthony before getting into four trouble and playing just nine minutes. D.J. Carton, Andre Wesson and Duane Washington all took a shot at UNC’s freshman stud as well. That’s a lot of bodies, all of whom have some size, some length and some athleticism and happen to be good individual defenders. Anthony got tired before they did.

This method was effective mainly due to the fact that because is one of the nation’s elite defenses. Combining all those athletic wings with a center in Kaleb Wesson that dropped the baby fat this summer is a luxury for Holtmann.

But it wasn’t all Ohio State.

Because what became painfully obvious for those that had not yet recognized it is that North Carolina has a startling lack of offensive weaponry. It’s almost like losing five NBA players to the draft is tough to deal with.

No matter who is on the floor with him, defenses are going to dedicate the majority of their attention to Anthony. He’s a game-changing talent. We saw him blow the game wide open against Notre Dame in the opener. He’s going to be the most dangerous player on the floor in just about every game he plays this season. But with a limited supporting cast to rely on, this is the decision Ohio State forced Roy Williams into:

1. Allow Anthony to go full iso-ball and try to win this game on his own taking deep, contested threes off the dribble or driving into two or three defenders; or

2. Run offense for the other guys on the roster even if the shots they are getting are tough shots for them. To put this into context, watch the clip below:

North Carolina ran that first play for Cam Johnson, the No. 11 pick in the draft, last season. This year it’s Brandon Robinson. In past seasons, the guy getting the post touch in the second clip was Kennedy Meeks, or Luke Maye, or Brice Johnson. Last night, it was Brandon Huffman. When they’re running pick-and-pop action like the third clip, it’s Garrison Brooks, not Maye, that is taking those jumpers.

If you’re coaching against North Carolina, I think you’re just five with Brooks shooting 17-footers. That’s the shot you live with.

Now, to be clear, Robinson is not a bad player. In fact, he’s significantly better than I realized coming into the season. And the x-factor here is that Armando Bacot played just seven minutes before spraining his ankle. He may “be our for a while,” as Roy Williams put it after the game, and even then, he’s been much better was a guy that cleans up misses than as a go-to scorer in the post. According to Synergy, he’s scored just .769 points-per-possession on post-ups, which is in the 42nd percentile nationally. You just saw all four of the post-up buckets he’s scored against high-major foes this season.

Bacot is a monster on the offensive glass, and his return will help keep defenses honest because of that. Sell out on a Cole Anthony drive like this, and Bacot is putting that miss back with a tip-dunk.

But that only mitigates the issue North Carolina has this season.

They don’t have enough talent around Cole Anthony.