CBT’s 2013 All Name Power Rankings

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All month long, CBT will be rolling out our 2013-2014 season preview. Check back throughout the day, as we’ll be posting three or four preview items every day.

To browse through the preview posts we’ve already published, click here. For a schedule of our previews for the month, click here.

We’re doing things a little differently this year. Instead of semi-arbitrarily organizing players into artificial five man teams based on the quality and musicality of their names, we’re going to semi-arbitrarily arrange athletes into a power ranking structure, honoring only the top twenty-five player names, with definitive explanations of why each name is so awesome.

First, I’ll tell you what does NOT qualify someone for All Name status. Simply being from another country and having a representative regional name is not enough. Mildly uncommon first names are actually becoming rather standard in the sports world, so your everyday Dundrecous isn’t going to catch my eye. Names that might be funny if pronounced a certain way don’t make the grade on those merits alone, though I did bend that rule a bit.

So who did make the grade, and why? Only one way to find out. Read on, my friend.

1. God’sgift Achiuwa, St. John’s – It’s only fitting that the top spot go to a name that will go down as an all-time great one. God’sgift is the only player I’ve ever seen who’s sporting an apostrophe that signifies possession rather than a quick glottal stop. In addition, his first name is two words smushed into one, and it glides rather naturally into Achiuwa. His given name is impossible to shortcut; you say the whole thing, or you sound blasphemous. This is a Hall of Fame name.

source: AP
McWisdom >>> McLovin?

2. McWisdom Badejo, Florida A&M – Would this name have ranked this high if I hadn’t seen Superbad? Probably not. But the image of Bill Hader in a cop uniform shouting “McWisdom, Why?!?” when Badejo commits a turnover or gorks a dunk attempt will not leave my head. In addition, this puts the A&M Rattler center in the somewhat questionable realm of McMansions and McNuggets, indicative of a mass-produced, pre-packaged imitation of real wisdom.

3. Indiana Faithfull, Wofford – First name is one of the 50 United States, check. Last name meaning loyal, constant and steadfast, check. Didn’t go to Indiana, double check. The capper is that he’s from Australia, so he’s more than likely named after Indiana Jones, and not the state.

4. Four McGlynn, Towson – I firmly believe that Moses Malone gave the McGlynn family the inspiration for the Vermont transfer’s first name when he said “Fo’, fo’, fo” in 1983. Prove me wrong.

5. Dakota Slaughter, Alabama – First name is one (technically, two) of the 50 United States. Last name meaning to kill in a violent or brutal  manner. Almost as good as Indiana Faithfull, but points off for being a bit terrifying. (Note: when I first published this list, I had the wrong page linked, showing Dakota as a walk-on with no photo or info. ‘Bama emailed me with the proper link and politely requested I change it. When Dakota Slaughter corrects you, believe me, you hop to.)

6. Sir’Dominic Pointer, St. John’s – Sir is not being used as a title here, but it sounds like it when you say it out loud. The random apostrophe is a piquant addition. And Pointer gives St. John’s two players in the top ten. Too bad great names don’t win championships all by themselves.

7. Staats Battle, NC State – If the 6-foot-6 guard is truly in a battle to accumulate staats, er, stats, he’s losing. He’s scored 11 points in two seasons as a member of the Wolfpack. He got in trouble last season, and was reportedly kicked off the team, but the school has listed him as a junior on this year’s roster, so he stays.

8. Biggie Minnis, Rhode Island – His real name is DeShon, but Rhody isn’t keen on that fact. They list him as Biggie on the official website. Throw in the fact that he’s a 185 lb. guard instead of a 300 lb. rapper/center and the picture is complete.

9. Hippolyte Tsafack, Memphis – I really don’t have a joke for this one. It’s simply majestic, and I love saying it.

10. Wanaah Bail, UCLA – He did want to bail on Texas Tech after Billy Gillispie kicked off the abusive coaching trend, so he did. A knee injury will cause him to miss some of this season, but we’ll enjoy him as soon as he gets into the rotation for Steve Alford in Westwood.

11. Claybrin McMath, Bryant – Sounds like a character on Adventure Time. His McMath wasn’t too impressive last season, only adding up to 23 points in 26 appearances.

12. Leek Leek, Campbell – The best of a handful of redundant names this season. Brings to mind an escape of fluid from a supposedly sealed container, even though it’s spelled like a double helping of a mild onion-like veggie.

source: Getty Images
Cal Poly really saved on lettering with Drake U’u’s jersey.

13. Drake U’u, Cal Poly – This guy has been a favorite for years. Plenty of people have random apostrophes in their names, plenty of guys have names with too many vowels or not enough. But the combination of all that in one gloriously short surname is worth celebrating.

14. Jordair Jett, St. Louis – It’s tough to live up to a name that combines parts of Michael Jordan, His Airness, and the speedy imagery of a jet. Jordair might not be quite that good, but he does pretty well for himself on a quality team. Bonus points for the dreads and the Lionel Richie moustache.

15. Sanjay Lumpkin, Northwestern – The lovechild of Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon and Lurleen Lumpkin? Simpsons fans can only dream it’s true.

16. Daveon Balls, Northern Illinois – You know why this is funny. Don’t make me be crude. If someone has a photo of the back of his jersey, I’ll love you forever.

17. Basil Smotherman, Purdue – If he doesn’t drink tea, play cricket and bow to the Queen he’ll have some explaining to do.

18. Jaron Blossomgame, Clemson – His last name seems so hopeful. Like he’s growing his game into something beautiful under Brad Brownell’s tutelage. That’s the hope, after he spent his first season in school redshirting due to injury.

19. Grandy Glaze, St. Louis – If you can’t order this as a specialty drink at a Starbucks near Chaifetz Arena, there’s something wrong with this world.

20. Jeremy Bogus, Jacksonville – I hope the Dolphins sell his official jersey in the team store, and crack down on any bogus, er counterfeit replicas.

21. Dallas Ennema, Albany – If ever a city needed a good, therapeutic colon cleansing, it’s Dallas.

22. Ria’n Holland, Wichita State – I thought I’d seen every possible odd place to put an apostrophe. I was wrong. The Shockers always find a way.

23. Armani Cotton, Yale – Armani by itself is a great name, but paired with cotton, it’s just too perfect. Plus, he’s Ivy League.

24. Chad Posthumus, Morehead State – Not spelled quite right, but the impact is undeniable. Let’s recognize him prehumously.

25. Ya Ya Anderson, Radford – Getcha, getcha Ya Ya’s out.

source: AP
Rashad Whack really lives up to his name.

Honorable Mention: Rashad Whack, Mt. St. Mary’s; Chris Manhertz, Canisius; Christian Standhardinger, Hawaii; Yilret Yiljep, American; Alex Biggerstaff, UNC-Asheville; Raven Barber, Mt. St. Mary’s; Canyon Barry, Charleston; Stetson Billings, Arkansas-Little Rock; Gee McGhee, Chattanooga; Onochie Ochie, Southeastern Louisiana; Dusty Hannahs, Texas Tech; Willis Turnipseed, Morgan State

And, not for nothing, two parents of the same generation came up with the same tortured spelling of a fairly common name without, one assumes, conferring first, giving us Xzaivier James of Northern Colorado and Xzaivier Taylor of Bradley. Good show.

In closing, I’d like to pay tribute to the godfather of all run-on basketball names, Dikembe Mutombo. Thanks to comedian @Adam_Newman for specially editing this clip of his performance on Letterman for CBT:

Mississippi State stays hot with commitment from four-star 2018 guard D.J. Stewart

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Mississippi State stayed hot on the recruiting trail on Monday as they scored an in-state pledge from four-star shooting guard D.J. Stewart.

The 6-foot-5 Stewart is the second major commitment to the Bulldogs and head coach Ben Howland this July as five-star forward Reggie Perry announced his intentions to go to Mississippi State last week.

After not having a single Division I scholarship offer entering April, Stewart exploded on the national landscape with his play with Mississippi Express in the Nike EYBL.

Regarded now as the No. 106 overall prospect in the Rivals national Class of 2018 rankings, Stewart has some upside as a wing scorer and defender at the college level.

Four-star forward Joey Hauser gives Marquette important Class of 2018 commitment

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Marquette earned an important commitment on Sunday as four-star Class of 2018 forward Joey Hauser pledged to the Golden Eagles.

The 6-foot-8 Hauser will join his brother, Marquette sophomore forward Sam Hauser, for two seasons in Milwaukee as he’s regarded as the No. 43 overall prospect in the national Class of 2018.

A tough and versatile forward who can play either spot in the frontcourt, Hauser is Marquette’s first Class of 2018 pledge as head coach Steve Wojciechowski has kept another talented player at home.

Now that Hauser has committed, Marquette can look for more perimeter threats in the class since they will also get former four-star wing forward Brendan Bailey coming in for that class. Bailey is on a two-year mission trip and will be another talented piece for that group as the Golden Eagles will try to compliment them with another guard.

Five Takeaways from the Under Armour All-America Camp

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PHILADELPHIA — The Under Armour All-America Camp might have had the best overall collection of talent in the country during the second week of the July Live Evaluation Period as top-100 players from multiple classes took part in a three-day camp at Philadelphia University.

With a few Class of 2018 five-star prospects in attendance, and some others making names for themselves, it was a great chance to see some of the best players that will be entering college basketball for the 2019-20 season. Here are five takeaways from the camp.

1. Four-star point guard Devon Dotson is coming on strong in the Class of 2018

The crop of point guards in the Class of 2018 is strong when it comes to players who could have a major impact at the college level. While we’ve spoken about players like Immanuel Quickley, Tre Jones and Darius Garland as the best in the class, the second tier of guys is also strong.

One of the players who will push five-star status after July is North Carolina native Devon Dotson. The 6-foot-1 native of Charlotte was the best player overall at the Under Armour All-America Camp as he was unstoppable off the dribble. Scoring in multiple ways around the basket, including some thunderous dunks, Dotson is a very good athletic if he gets a full head of steam going towards the rim.

Dotson can occasionally get tunnel vision when he has the ball in his hands, but coaches also have to like the ultra-aggressive way that Dotson plays the game. Always putting pressure on the defense with the way that he plays, Dotson is a consistent three-pointer away from being a major problem in college.

Back in June, Dotson named a top eight of Arizona, Florida, Kansas, Maryland, Miami, Ohio State, USC and Wake Forest as it’ll be interesting to see if things heat up after his strong camp performance.

2. The upside of Class of 2018 center Moses Brown is scary

The Class of 2018 has a glaring lack of potential one-and-done players and a short supply of big men. As a fluid 7-foot-1 big man with a rapidly rising skill level, you can see why New York native Moses Brown has positioned himself as a consensus top-ten player in this class.

Moving very well for his size, Brown is still learning how to be productive at all times as he continues to add strength and coordination, but he’s now learning how to also use his extreme gifts to his advantage. Brown has now become a consistent presence at the rim thanks to his length and defensive IQ and he’s also rebounding near rim level at every play. Also improving as an offensive player, Brown showed some versatility by pushing off of rebounds and making more plays as a passer.

Still a tad inconsistent in terms of overall motor and offensive production, Brown could stand to work more on his post game beyond a hook, but he’s also the type of big man who should fit in well with the new age of basketball. Brown wasn’t tested a lot defending high ball screens in Philadelphia, but he has a chance to be a very disruptive defender at all levels of basketball if he continues to get better. 

3. Class of 2018 point guard Jahvon Quinerly continues to impress

It wasn’t the strongest camp showing in terms of production from five-star point guard Jahvon Quinerly, but he also displayed the ball handling, passing and leadership that made him one of the best players in the nation this spring.

Possibly having the tightest handles in the class, Quinerly has the ball on a string at all times and it enables him to make a lot of difficult passes for easy buckets off of drives. Also gifted as a perimeter shooter, Quinerly should be a gifted enough floor spacer to play a bit off the ball and still be a weapon on the three-point line.

Something to keep an eye on with Quinerly’s development will be how he adjusts to long and athletic defenders at all positions. Without elite burst, Quinerly will have to use some counter moves the get open and scoring over length is another area that Quinerly can work on. But with his combination of overall basketball savvy and skill level, Quinerly should be a great college player.

Still considering Arizona, Kansas, Stanford, UCLA, Villanova and Virginia, Quinerly had an official visit to the Wildcats already.

4. Class of 2018 big man Riley Battin opens eyes with production

Opening eyes with his play at the Under Armour All-America Camp with his overall skill and production was three-star Class of 2018 big man Riley Battin. Shooting 59 percent from the field during the week while finishing near the top in overall camp scoring, the 6-foot-8 Battin is an intriguing player at the next level even if he isn’t the greatest athlete.

With great footwork and good touch on his jumper from all three levels, Battin can knock down three-pointers (42 percent this spring in the UAA) while also scoring in the post or the mid-range. Already taking an official visit to Vanderbilt towards the end of August, Colorado, Davidson, Georgia Tech, Northwestern, Utah and Wichita State are also involved.

Battin is the type of player who won’t get a lot of hype in national recruiting rankings but he could very well be a damaging player in the right system. A tough cover because of some unconventional moves, Battin could be a lot of fun to watch at the next level.

5. The second week of the July live period needs a major overhaul

The Under Armour All-America Camp was a strong event during a weak second week of July and it’ll be curious to see if any changes are made to fix the timing of this on the recruiting calendar.

With all three major shoe companies having major summer championships the week before many of the nation’s elite players played in high-profile events last week before getting injured or sitting out the second week

Since the first week of the recruiting calendar is heavy in Georgia and South Carolina and the third week mostly goes to Las Vegas, the second week is also way more spread out than any other time during the July period. The coast-to-coast nature of events during the second week of July makes it tough for college coaches traveling because the talent is so diluted at most events.

It’ll be interesting to see if any changes occur with how events are run or how the calendar looks because the second week featured a lot of watered-down play.

Buffalo sophomore arrested, charged with strangulation, witness intimidation

City of Tonawanda Police
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Buffalo sophomore Quate McKinzie is facing a litany of charges stemming from an incident in which he allegedly attempted to strangle a female acquaintance.

McKinzie, who is 20 years old, was later handed more charges after he made threatening phone calls to his accuser from jail.
From the Buffalo News:

The original charges placed against the UB sophomore were second-degree strangulation, a D-felony; misdemeanor counts of criminal obstruction of breathing, assault, menacing, harassment; and stealing the victim’s vehicle.

The latest charges are third-degree witness intimidation and first-degree criminal contempt, both E-felonies; and two misdemeanors, aggravated harassment and disobeying a court mandate, according to Tonawanda Police Patrol Capt. Fredric Foels.

“University Athletics is aware of the alleged incident and is in communication with university and local authorities,” Buffalo released in a statement. “Quate McKinzie is currently enrolled at the University at Buffalo and is suspended indefinitely from the university’s basketball team. Due to the ongoing investigation and federal protections on student information, we will have no further comment on the matter at this time.”

McKinzie is a 6-foot-8, 195 pound forward that played in 17 games last season. He averaged 3.9 points and 4.3 boards.

Auburn’s Austin Wiley suffers stress fracture

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Auburn center Austin Wiley has a stress fracture in his left leg and will be out 4-6 weeks, the school announced Monday.

No surgery is required, but Wiley, who played with Team USA’s U19 team in Egypt earlier this month, will miss Auburn’s trip to Italy.

“You know how tough and committed a young man is when he plays through the pain of a stress fracture,” said Pearl. “He was receiving treatment while in Egypt, but had no way of knowing the extent of his injury. Doctors say it is in a good spot for healing, and he will be fine.”

Wiley averaged 8.8 points, 4.7 rebounds and 1.4 blocks in 18.1 minutes this past season. He started 21 of the Tigers’ 22 games after he enrolled in school midseason.